As a matrimonial attorney with over 30 years of experience, I have seen
and managed countless divorce cases. Every single one is as unique as
the divorcing couple when you focus on the details. But overall, there
seems to be a common concern among divorcés, which is, “How
am I going to put my life back together?”
It’s true, a
divorce really can seem like everything around you just fell apart and now you
have scattered pieces to sort out. The average person going through a
divorce may start to question every decision they made, or go through
uncharacteristic mood swings. Overall, it’s troubling – even
stone-faced spouses can feel the pressure of even just a calm,
uncontested divorce – but it is
not the end of times.
Please take it from a team of lawyers whose practice is 100% divorce and
family law : a divorce is the start of a newer,
better chapter in your life. In order to reach the other side, you just need
some determination and focus. A few friendly tips and bits of advice won’t
Review these helpful reminders each day until you find you don’t
need them any more:
1.No happy marriage has ever ended in divorce. It just doesn’t happen
that way. If you or your ex-spouse filed for a divorce, it was because
things weren’t as good as they should and can be. Staying in an
unhealthy marriage gets no one anywhere they want or deserve to be.
2.You’re probably going to be your own worst enemy, not your ex-spouse.
Just as how your harshest critic is yourself, most of your doubt is going
to come from inside. Try to focus on actual tasks at home or at work to
keep your mind from wandering and beating yourself up.
3.Set yourself new, personal goals in multiple facets of your life. If your
job is in sales, try to beat your record next month. If you always wanted
to start a diet or exercise plan, do so now. Making and meeting little
expectations can get your progress towards a new life rolling while also
giving you welcome boosts of confidence.
4.If you shared children with your ex-spouse, never forget their own emotions
and needs. This usually means putting all your willpower into staying
civil and friendly towards your spouse, but it also means paying attention
to your children, partaking in their fun activities, and having genuine
interest in their schoolwork.
5.Speaking of playing nicely with your ex, you should never go out of your
way to defame or attack them in front of other people. Divorce is about
letting go and moving on, not gripping the past in angry clutches. If
you spend too much time thinking about the wrongdoing your ex has done,
you only wind up hurting yourself.
6.Forming new romantic relationships can be an uplifting experience, but
many divorcés report that new romances feel stale or fake if they
rush into them. Try to get to really know yourself and what you want out
of a partner first. If you have kids, you may also not want to introduce
them to a new partner unless you have decided the relationship is going
to be good for the long run.
7.You’re going to feel lonely sometimes. At family functions, after
dropping off your kids, cleaning your apartment, or other tasks –
it’s going to happen and you can’t stop it. So many people
tell us the worst part of divorcing and the number one reason they are
having trouble getting their life on track again is the feeling of being
alone. Trust us when we say that you’ll get through each bout, and
that you’ll relearn how to prize and appreciate time spent without
other people. Alone does not have to mean lonely!
Start Your New Life Without Legal Trouble
Another way people can get snared after going through a divorce is if it
is not completed carefully or appropriately. Unattended problems with
property division, and so on can balloon into major concerns later on, when the past was
supposed to be left behind. We encourage you to
contact our office today if you are in the midst of a divorce or have post-divorce
problems and need legal guidance or support.