If you have to appear in Supreme or Family Court the following suggestions are vitally important in your effort to get a good result. Your goal is to get a favorable custody order, parenting schedule, child support amount, asset division, order of protection or any other matter related to your contested divorce or family law case. Of course if you have an attorney let them guide you and speak for you unless they ask you to speak to the judge. With or without an attorney the following suggestions are still helpful.
- Dress appropriately. Do not wear shorts, tank tops, flip flops or any other type of clothing that gives off the “I don’t care how I look or what I am wearing in a formal location.” Jacket & tie is great but not required, however a button-down shirt and clean slacks would be good. A blouse and slacks or skirt or of course a dress would be very nice as well.
- Be respectful. Speak and act appropriately with court officers, court clerks, the stenographer and any other courtroom personnel. Any bad behavior or muttering comments under your breath is heard and observed by someone and usually makes it way back to the judge. When the judge comes out, you may be reprimanded or even if not mentioned you may have contributed to a negative first impression.
- Don’t use non-verbal communication. When the judge is speaking do not roll your eyes, smirk, laugh, or use other facial or body language that communicates your disagreement with what is said to you or gloating if the judge is blasting the other person.
- Don’t interrupt. When the judge is speaking resist the urge to interrupt and “correct” what is being said. You will have a chance when the judge finishes talking. Be aware that even if what is the judge is saying is negative about you the judge might finish the sentence with “however” or “but” and then describe the other person’s actions as worse and you get a favorable outcome.
- No name calling. Do not yell at the other person in the courtroom or the hallway. Do not call the person a “liar” in front of the judge. Instead say “that is not true” or “that never happened” or “he/she was the aggressor” or “what was left out was…” These phrases are much more attention getting of the judge than the word “liar” which judges typically do not state and may cause them to stop listening to you.
- Have a plan. Think about what you want to say, the order of what you say and how you say it BEFORE you go to court. Yes you can make an outline and bring it with you, but do not read a prepared statement. It is much better if you speak and look at the judge and hold his/her attention. Being organized prior to speaking to the judge will give you confidence and you will be less likely to forget something that was important.